Just in time for Halloween, your list of 13 reasons bicycles make the perfect vehicle for the zombie apocalypse.
- In every disaster movie ever made, everyone fleeing the city in a vehicle ends up in a huge, hopeless traffic jam, AKA zombie smorgasbord.
- Bikes let you dodge around not only that big traffic jam but all the other debris left by the looters.
- By the time you realize things are getting serious, your neighbors have taken all the gas and diesel and you can’t refill your car’s tank.
- Zombies are drawn to noise, and bicycles make for much quieter travel than the internal combustion engine. (Sorry, electric vehicle owners, but the grid is going to let you down about the same time people realize the petroleum fuel distribution system isn’t ever going to work again either.)
- Bikes will retain their value as an item of barter in the post-apocalyptic economy.
- You can carry more on a bike than you can if you’re walking/running.
- Bicycles are the most calorie-efficient form of transportation. When you’re scavenging for food and eating cold canned beans every calorie you find has to go a long way.
- See them coming! No constraints on your field of vision caused by the vehicle’s body.
- When you need to stop for the night you can climb a tree and pull the bicycle up with you or bring it into the building you’re barricading yourself into. Either way, you have a vehicle you can hide from passing zombies.
- You’re not limited to roads for your travel — you have a wider range of escape routes from which to choose.
- Mechanically a bike is pretty straightforward and you can learn to repair it yourself and keep it running.
- If your plan is to hunker down and shelter in place for a while and you own lots of bikes, bike frames make good bars for the windows.
- In a really tight spot, you can keep the bicycle between yourself and the zombie as a barricade. Use it to push your attacker away and buy time while you draw your sword.
With all this in mind, maybe your next bike purchase should be one with the attributes you’ll need for a quick getaway:
- hauling capacity
- sturdy tires
- quiet mechanics — ditch those spoke cards and buzzing freewheels
- standard tire size so you can find parts
- heads-up posture so you can see the zombies coming and fire your crossbow
In case you think we’re the only ones who think about this, there’s this Zombie Apocalyplse Getaway Pinterest board and this exhaustive comparison of all types of vehicles and their plusses/minuses for use in the zombie apocalypse.
[Tweet “Reason #1 bikes great for zombie apocalypse escape: Fast escape from traffic jam.”]
[Tweet “Reason #5 bikes good for zombie apocalypse: barter value.”]
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And check out our Halloween Bikes playlist on YouTube:
PS: Did you happen to notice how many of these are advantages for everyday life even before the zombies get here?
It has never made any sense why almost no characters in zombie movies and TV shows ever use bicycles. In some of them, the characters even deride bicycles, saying they’re “no good” or “would slow you down”. Really, the idiot script writers do that.
re: #6 “You can carry more on a bike than you can if you’re walking/running.”
Or you can do like the Vietnamese did during their victory over the US: Put 100kg of supplies on the bike and walk beside it. The Japanese practice “blitzkrieg by bicycle” during their invasion and occupation of Southeast Asia, in their victory over the British in Singapore.
Three more you forgot:
14) Most bicycle cables locks have quick release numerical combinations. They can be easily used to padlock (and reopen) doors and fences, making for easy security and escapes. With combinations, you don’t need to share keys with friends or worry about losing them. And you can send messages by leaving numbers an unattended lock (e.g. “0000” = all clear, “8888” = zombies inside).
15) In the early days of the zombie apocalypse, stupid people will ignore bicycles completely, making top quality ones easy to obtain. And in the first few weeks after, other survivors will continue to scavenge for fuel rather than switch to bikes and try to steal yours.
16) The sort of people who will choose bicycles immediately after the ZA are more likely to be civilized and friendly, NOT anti-social, gun waving rednecks. It would be easier to build trust and form groups of survivors when you meet individuals.
Thanks for adding to the list.
The world clearly needs more bicycling scriptwriters.
My boyfriend is always saying these exact same things. My cargo bike would allow me to escape with lots of supplies and a small dog or two.
You have to remember to pack dog food, then.
I wonder how much a bicycle courier’s life would change if there is a zombie apocalypse. I’m guessing not much, so long as the tire / tube supply holds out.
Since zombies move more slowly they should be easier to dodge than motor vehicles, right?
I have seen a zombie hunter bike with a chainsaw attachment and a place for you axe. A bike is a good thing is you see dead people.
We saw that and a flamethrower accessory too. So handy.
8a.: You can also hear them coming. No noisy engines, and no sound insulation that you would have in a car.
14.: Zombies can hide on the back seat or in the boot of cars (or in the trunk, in case of US zombies); bicycles are safer.
Great additional points! We’ll have a longer list for next Halloween.
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